


Darling heart I loved you from the start

by soulmatesofperth



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Getting Together, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pet Names, Pining, sort of fluff also, teenage angst, which is really not very angsty at all, x factor - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-29
Updated: 2013-04-29
Packaged: 2017-12-09 02:46:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/769066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soulmatesofperth/pseuds/soulmatesofperth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry really likes when Louis calls him pet names, it's just a shame it means more him than it does to Louis. He thinks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Darling heart I loved you from the start

 

For as long as Harry has known him Louis has used pet names. Granted he hasn’t known Louis for a ridiculously long period of time, but within a couple of days of having met him Harry had realized that Louis used pet names almost more than people’s actual proper names.

The first time Harry notices how much the pet names affect him, he’s lying with Louis in his bed at the X-factor house after dinner during the third week. The other boys are off doing who knows what so it’s just the two of them. They’d been messing around before but now they’re just content to lie together and stare at the top bunk.

“You ready for this week love?” Louis asks him quietly, running his hands through Harry’s hair in a way that makes Harry feel all fuzzy inside. 

“I guess so.” Harry shrugs hesitantly. Honestly he’s still terrified after last week. He’s fairly confident he won’t make himself to sick to perform again this week but that’s all he’s sure of.

“You’ll do brilliantly.” Louis tells him confidently, and he sounds so sure that Harry can’t help but believe him, which is kind of stupid because there’s no way Louis can know how he’s going to do. No one can guarantee he won’t freak out again, or even worse stuff up on live television. Regardless Louis words make him _feel_ better, which is all that really matters in this moment.

“You really think so?” Harry asks shyly because he really likes when people approve of the things he does and he especially likes it when _Louis_ voices his approval of things Harry does. 

“As cliché as it sounds I know so sweetheart.” Louis tells him as he reaches his arms around Harry and pulls him snuggly against his side. Harry can’t help full on beaming at that, burrowing his face into Louis chest so he can’t see his stupid grin and make fun of him.

Louis’ words fill him with warmth but he doesn’t really think much of it then. Chalks it up to someone other than his mother believing in him and leaves it at that.

Of course Harry soon realises it’s not that simple. Anytime Louis calls him by a pet name it leaves him feeling all warm and lovely inside, which has come to mean that he feels warm and lovely almost all the time.

It’s not until week 6 that Harry realises he might fancy his best friend just a little. There’s no big moment or anything dramatic. They’re just sitting around in the living room, arguing about teams for Mario Kart when Louis, ever the leader, demands “Harry’s on my team, right love?” He turns to Harry with a cheeky grin and that’s all it takes for Harry to realises how screwed he is.

“I, um,” Harry stutters just needing to get _out_ , “I don’t feel well.” He’s a terrible liar, he knows it and he knows the boys can probably see straight through him right now, but he doesn’t care “you play without me.” He says before practically running up the stairs, ignoring the confused and maybe slightly hurt looks on the other boys’ faces. On Louis’s face. Harry figures he must be imagining it though because he can’t trust himself anymore.

He barricades himself in their bedroom, curling up under the covers and staunchly refusing to come down for dinner. Liam, Niall, Mary and Cher all try to convince him but give up when he refuses to acknowledge them. Harry thinks perhaps they’ve finally given up and left him alone so he lets his guard down slightly and cries quietly. He knows it’s pathetic but he’s 16, away from home and his mother for the first time in his life and thinks he might be in love with his best friend.

Of course the universe hates him, so as soon as he allows his guard to drop Louis is letting himself into the room. “Hey love, what’s wrong?” He asks gently. Harry can feel the mattress dip as Louis presumably sits behind him and embarrassingly enough that’s all it takes to set him off sobbing. “Oh Darling.” Louis sighs, turning Harry forcefully towards him before wrapping his arms around Harry’s waist. 

Harry sobs into Louis’ chest for longer than he’d care to admit, Louis whispering to him softly and running his fingers through his hair. Honestly it doesn’t really help his situation much at all, since Louis’s the catalyst for this whole damn breakdown. Harry knows he should push him away or something but he can’t bring himself to. He feels too nice in this moment.

“Hey, feeling better now?” Louis smiles at Harry fondly when he finally stops crying, pulling back to wipe at his eyes. 

Harry nods wordlessly because he’s quite frankly mortified by his little meltdown and doesn’t know what he’s meant to say.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Louis asks gently, carding his fingers through Harry’s fringe to push it out his eyes.

“No.” He shakes his head emphatically, his voice taking on a slightly hysterical tone, much to his dismay.

The look Louis shoots him is a hybrid of concern and confusion but he doesn’t push Harry into saying anything else, instead pulling the younger boy closer to his chest, “Well if you ever want to talk about anything you know where to find me.”

Harry nods as he buries his head in Louis chest. He knows for sure now that he most definitely loves his best friend. Which means there’s at least one thing he definitely can’t tell Louis no matter what he says. 

Life goes as back to as normal as it ever will be for an X Factor contestant after that and no one mentions Harry’s freak out again, much to his relief. There is one thing that’s changed though, Harry is now aware he loves Louis. Sometimes, when Louis’ focusing on him, directing the wonderful pet names in his direction, he can almost delude himself into thinking he’s as special to Louis as Louis is to him. After all he thinks he’s the only person Louis calls Sweetheart and Darling.

But of course Harry knows he’s not really special, Louis uses the pet names for every single person he has ever met. Whenever Harry is in danger of forgetting that the universe likes to remind him. When he’s riding the high of Louis asking him to _grab that water bottle for me please, babe_ Harry is brought crashing back to earth not 20 minutes later when Louis calls the fans waiting for him outside the fence _love_. When he thinks the fact that Louis’ called him sweetheart actually means something, the next second he’s calling Zayn babe.

Harry well and truly knows he’s not special when he watches Louis with his sisters in their last week on the X factor. “Did you miss me darling?” He asks one of the twins, swooping down to pull the giggling little girl into his arms. It’s that moment that any last hope Harry has is shot to pieces. He’s not stupid, he realizes his pathetic crush is one sided so he doesn’t say anything about it to anyone. Instead he continues to follow Louis around like a lost puppy and basks in the feeling he gets any time Louis throws a term of endearment in his direction no matter how bittersweet the feeling.

Of course it’s not a healthy way to live and his carefully constructed walls come crashing down sooner than he ever expected.

The day it all comes to a head is only a couple of weeks after the end of X factor; a couple of weeks after Louis and Harry had moved into their flat together. Harry has been feeling poorly for the past couple of days and today is the first day they have no work obligations so he takes the opportunity to snuggle up under a blanket on the couch and watch the television in peace. 

Louis of course has other ideas and proceeds to spend the day trying to mother Harry, making sure he has enough to drink, that he takes his medicine, that he’s nice and warm under his quilt. When Louis’s not fussing over him he’s lying cuddle up with Harry.

Under any other circumstance Harry would revel in all the attention, would take the opportunity to pretend he was special. Unfortunately he’s tired, grumpy and feels like shit so all Louis’s actions serve to do is remind him of what he doesn’t have.

It’s late afternoon when Harry finally snaps. Louis’s returning from the kitchen with two cups of tea “Here you go love,” he smiles as he hands Harry’s tea over to him.

“Don’t call me that.” Harry snaps like the petulant child he clearly still is, snatching the offered cup out of Louis hand and ignoring the way the other boy frowns.

“Call you what babe?” Louis asks, looking genuinely confused and hurt, little crinkle forming in his forehead as he frowns, “You don’t want me to call you love?”

“I don’t want you to call me love or babe or darling or any other stupid pet name.” Harry tears his eyes away from Louis because he knows that he’s hurting his best friend and he doesn’t want to. Harry is lying of course, he wants nothing more than for Louis to call him pet names for the rest of his life, but it hurts Harry and he needs it to stop for his own sanity. He knows he could have done it in a nicer way, but what’s done is done now and Harry is not going to take it back. Not when he knows it’s for the best. 

“Oh.” Louis says quietly. Harry makes the mistake of looking up only to see that Louis looks like a kicked puppy, which is a horrible sight even when Harry isn’t the reason for it, “Why not?” He asks so softly Harry almost misses it. 

Harry literally cannot be here anymore lest he loses his resolve so he untangles himself from his blankets clumsily and stands up, “Because I don’t want you to anymore, alright.” He says as brusquely as he can manage before practically fleeing the room.

Just like the day he realised his feelings for Louis, Harry finds himself curled up in the fetal position on his bed crying into his pillow. This time Louis doesn’t come after him.

- 

The next morning Harry wakes up feeling like complete and utter shit. Partially because he still feels sick but mostly because he knows he was a complete dick to Louis last night. He can remember the look on Louis’ face, how crestfallen he’d looked, but he doesn’t know what to do. It’s not like he can explain why he did it without opening himself up to horrible rejection.

Harry tries to tell himself maybe it’s better for him this way but he doesn’t believe it for even a second. His life is better with Louis in it, even if it’s just as his best mate. Instead Harry resigns himself to the fact he’s probably damaged his friendship with Louis permanently.

Harry had know he’d liked the pet names, of course he had since they’re what got him in this mess in the first place, but he never realised exactly how much until Louis stopped using them. Instead Louis calls him Harry all day during rehearsal, which makes Harry want to cry yet again. The other boys notice, because it’s a really bloody obvious thing and they’d have to be blind not to. Niall tries to get Harry to talk at lunch but he refuses and the other boys leave it alone for the rest of the day. 

Once they’re done recording for the day Louis and Harry have returned home and Harry makes a beeline straight for his room. Seeing Louis look hurt hurts him and he can’t think of any way to _fix_ it so he hides away. Instead he decides to sleep because he feels so miserable he can’t be bothered doing anything else.

When he wakes up it’s still dark outside, which disorients him slightly. That’s why it takes him longer than he should to realise Louis is standing in his doorway looking so incredibly vulnerable and it absolutely _kills_ Harry to know it’s all his fault. 

“Lou?” He questions groggily not sure if he’s awake or still dreaming, “What are you doing?”

“Can I come in?” Louis asks with a hesitation that Harry has never heard in his voice before, not even upon their first meeting. If his heart hadn’t been breaking before it certainly was now.

“Course.” He says, because no matter how much he wants to save himself from pain and heartbreak he wants to save Louis from it more.

Louis needs no further encouragement before he’s crossing the room and crawling into bed next to Harry. To Harry’s despair instead of cuddling up to him like he always, _always_ does, Louis seemingly makes sure that they’re not touching anywhere. 

“I’m really sorry about the pet names Harry.” Louis finally speaks in the small, foreign voice he’s been using all day. Harry hates that voice, hates the fact that it’s so very unlike Louis, “I’ll stop I promise. Just please don’t ignore me.”

“Lou.” Harry breaths because he hasn’t been trying to ignore Louis, he’s simply been trying to give Louis the space he thought the older boy wanted, “I’m not ignoring you. I just thought you were mad at me.”

“I’m not mad,” Louis shakes his head vigorously as if the very idea was shocking, “I don’t want you to be mad either. Please don’t be mad.”

“I’m not mad. I promise.” Harry says, reaching out to pull Louis towards him. This Louis isn’t _right;_ he doesn’t sound like the oldest of the boys, their energetic leader. Instead he sounds scared and vulnerable in a way that makes Harry fear he’s broken the boy. He entertains the thought that maybe Louis needs pet names to keep him _Louis_.

“If you hate the pet names I’ll stop I promise.” Louis wraps his arms around Harry’s shoulders clinging to him like a monkey or some other animal that clings, Harry has never been good at all that biology stuff, “I just don’t want to lose you. Don’t leave me.” 

“Hey now, you’re not going to lose me.” Harry scolds sternly, wondering where Louis got _that_ idea from. Harry spares a second to contemplate the strange turn the day had taken; not half an hour ago Harry had thought he’d pushed Louis away for good but now here he was, lying in bed with the older boy wrapped around him practically begging him not to leave. It was safe to say he had no idea what was going on.

“Promise?” Louis asks, looking up at him with big eyes. 

“Promise.” Harry nods in confirmation causing a bright grin to practically split Louis’ face in two. Harry couldn’t help grinning in response, burying his head into Louis shoulder, “I don’t hate the pet names.” He whispers, feeling the need to be honest but hoping his words are muffled my Louis’ skin so he doesn’t hear. 

Unfortunately Louis does hear him. “You don’t hate them?” He asks, pulling Harry’s head back slightly so he can look at him in confusion, “I don’t understand.” 

“I can’t…I don’t...I” Harry starts to say, frustrated because he doesn’t know what he wants to say or how he’s going to get himself out of this mess. Harry is not the clever one with words, that’s all Louis.

“You can’t what babe?” Louis asks, switching back to the pet names now that he knew Harry didn’t really hate threm.

That was all it took, the fact how habitual it was for Louis, to trigger another outburst from Harry, “Because it means more to me than it does to you.” He practically yells before his brain has time to process what his mouth is saying. Harry slaps his hand over his mouth as if he can hold the words back in, but he knows it’s a pointless gesture. Louis definetly heard him and Harry needs to steel himself for rejection.

A rejection that never comes. Instead, to Harry’s surprise Louis rolls them over so he’s straddling Harry, looking down at him with a cheeky grin, “Are you sure about that?” Louis asks having done a complete mood 180 in the last minute or so. Harry is completely stunned and overwhelmed and doesn’t know how to process what’s going on. 

“I..Yes..Umm..Yes?” Harry somehow manages to get out despite the fact he thinks the way Louis’ body is pressing him down against the mattress has fried his brain. 

“Are you completely sure?” Louis asks with a smirk, pausing before adding a deliberately emphasised “Love.”

“No.” Harry replies in a small voice as he shakes his head. He isn’t sure, not anymore. He isn’t sure of anything right now in fact.

“Good.” Is all Louis says in response before he’s leaning down and kissing Harry. Which okay, was not at all how Harry was expecting today to go in the slightest. 

It’s a pretty good kiss, as first kisses go, if you ask Harry, but all too soon they have to break apart. For the first time in his life Harry hates the fact breathing is neccesary. “It means the same?” He asks Louis dazedly, wanting to know this is real and he’s not misconstructing anything. This is something that Harry’s pretty sure can’t be misconstructed but he _needs_ to be sure.

“It definitely means the same.” Louis nods with a genuine smile.

“But you use them for everyone.” Harry can’t help pointing out quietly. He doesn’t want to break this moment but he needs to _know_ more than anything.

“Sweetheart,” Louis says deliberately, leaning down to press a gentle kiss against Harry’s jaw, “Trust me. It’s different.” And of course Harry trusts Louis, trusts that maybe he’s one of the special few that gets to be called darling, and sweetheart. One of the special few that Louis really loves. Instead of replying Harry just pulls Louis’ mouth away from his jaw so that he can kiss him again. 

Harry really likes when Louis calls him pet names. It reminds him of exactly how special he is.


End file.
